I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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