Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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