Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I enjoy the company of your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
