This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
