I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
