If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
