i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
