just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish you could order shots online.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
