I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
