it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
