I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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