Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just threw up on my dentist
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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