I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
