Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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