happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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