Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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