Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
