i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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