Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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