All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
