you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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