i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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