he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
