he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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