Dual....:-)
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
