I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
