alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
