Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
