he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
