But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
