Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
