well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
