i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
