he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
