it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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