i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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