just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
