i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
