I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
