If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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