Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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