Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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