everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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