I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
