so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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