she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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