I have demons in me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
