i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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