With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
