First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
