Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
