I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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