You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
