I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
