i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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