.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
