I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
