redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
