i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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