I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
