when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
