dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
