I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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