you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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