What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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