what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
