i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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