Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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