went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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