sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
