When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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