i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
