Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im part way to drunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
